Try and Try Until I Die

I wanted to spend my hard earned money on really cheap jeans and maybe shoes. I’ve lost some weight since the last time I bought jeans and they have all become ill fitting. And being the creature of habit that I am…I really wasn’t sure what brand to get, since I wanted REALLY cheap ones. I was thrilled to find half priced jeans that fit soo well! I’ve been wearing really loose ones for the past 10 months. I therefore conclude, if it ‘aint a perfect fit…don’t wear it. – this applies to my jeans and my life.

My weight has gone down and up again for the past 8 years now and I noticed that I have managed to keep it off for a while without much effort this time. It really pays off to try and try until you succeed AND are able to sustain. There will always be occasional slip ups, but one must try again, and even harder.

I suppose this is what I’m trying to apply to my personal/social/love life now. I was so tempted to watch life pass me by again tonight but opted not to, since I’m really making a career out of this “life-changing” phase. Normally, I would enjoy my alone time, and maybe (if we were still talking – by the way, we haven’t since Friday) quality time with almost 14-year SSDD donor to cap the night or watch Law & Order or CSI.

But tonight, despite a slightly spent body, I decided to drop by a friend’s café/bar upon his invitation. Apparently, there was a small event in the place. I would’ve gone on my own if my buddy didn’t decide to drop by himself. I was thinking, there’s a better chance for me to meet the man of my dreams there, or maybe see, smell, eat something interesting than in my room while watching dvd’s right?

…Well, not quite. The chances there were slim too…but it was still a conscious effort to go “against the grain” even if watching CSI seasons 1 to 5 with no advertisements was so tempting…

My buddy who had recently broken up has also been “trying” – he has probably gone out on 10 first dates in 3 weeks (that’s got to be some sort of record) and thinks he might’ve found the one he could date exclusively this very day!

You really never know… But what I do know is, for as long as I still have this particular goal in my head, I should and will always try until I get what I want (and sooo need) and then sustain. I’ll just think of my buddy-boy who found his match after 10 first dates in 3 weeks. If I slip up, I’ll try again. The search for different shit is still on -- despite a huge lack of resources by the way...it is awwwn!