So Is Motherhood All There is To It?

Don’t get me wrong, I am thrilled that I am infanticipating. I suppose I was just caught a little off guard. Conceiving 6 months before we said we’d be ready is still 6 months ahead. The struggle to ditch my nicotine addiction is proving to be harder than I thought. The weight gain is also making me feel less and less attractive. Many have said that I there is a certain glow about me…and that I’m probably going to have a girl – but I still feel unattractive. The thought of becoming my mom is totally freaking me out. She’s the biggest in her clan…so…it’ll be an uphill climb to battle against this “predisposed” obesity. Holy mother of God.

Then there are the “experts”—friends who are mothers may times over who talk about nothing but pregnancy, kids, motherhood all the joy and brings and what not…well, its freaking me out as well. Could it be, that I will be as one-dimensional as them? That all that I am and all that I have are my kids? No fricking way. I believe I am waaaay too interesting to get lost in the baby madness.

And maybe it’s not even a real fear of the challenges of motherhood…but the fear of becoming like someone who well…disgusts you. What’s wrong with me? Am I being too anti-mush? I’m really not feeling all the fussing about the baby to the point of obsession. Life goes on…business as usual…until baby O pops…then life changes a whole lot, becomes 1000 times more meaningful, but still, there is me. Just as I was, 9 months before I popped. 34 years ago, when I was born…I will not disappear behind the triumphs and tribulations of motherhood and my blessing of a baby – I too was a blessing of a baby.

So I will NOT be one of those people who turn their living room into a play pen. There is a place for everything. My hubby and I consider our bedroom as a haven of peace. I should always keep in mind how he values his tranquility time in our bedroom – ergo, kids will only sleep over when they are invited. Otherwise, they should stay in their equally pimped out rooms.

That’s all for now…until the next rant.

DISCLAIMER: I would like to clarify something to my baby though. You are such a blessing. Having you culminates this journey called being a complete woman…but baby, mommy is as fabulous as you, so let’s be fabulous together okay? – if you’re a girl. If you’re a boy…well, fabulous may not be the perfect term for you then, but something synonymous yet a little more masculine 
You really don’t want a boring mom. Good thing you have me! I promise not to obsess over you…I will care deeply, but will try not to hover and ogle. Daddy won’t either, because he’s super cool too!